Marriage Series (#4) The BIG Night

There is A LOT to unpack when it comes to sex and marriage on our journey so I have decided that for today we will focus on 2 verses. I promise you as the marriage journey continues we will look at many more. Let’s jump in….

Here we are, that time in a marriage journey where dancing shoes come off and our happy couple gets to spend their first night together. This is one of those times in life where joyful anticipation meets a new kind of nervousness but it is worth it!

First, let’s mention that it is normal to have the “human” idea that everything will be perfect. It is the first night, there is all this love, attraction and excitement, what could go wrong? Well from the human side, a lot. Just like with any other aspect of life, things can get messy and sex on one’s best day is no exception. Here is the good news though, a couple dedicated to one another knows and realizes this and is therefore able to practice kindness, gentleness and understanding. So, if things get a little uncomfortable, be patient with one another and remember nothing is perfect. Building intimacy is what is important right now. Intimacy does not just equal the actual act of sex, intimacy in a marriage is an all encompassing closeness. Intimacy may start as a small seed between a husband and a wife but with proper nurturing it grows stronger, deeper and provides a place of safety, trust and love that you will desire more and more.

It is important to note that in order for intimacy to mature the couple has to practice habits that strengthen the bond between each other. Our first verse teaches us a lot:

1 Corinthians 7:1-5

7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

How many times have you heard people make jokes about women “having a headache” or men “wanting only one thing”? These things have been said for ages but we have an outline for our sexual bond in the verse above. Let me make this verse super simple: HAVE SEX WITH YOUR SPOUSE. Both husband and wife need that sexual bond with each other. Does that mean you will both want to have sex at the same time, in the same place, at the same frequency or in the same fashion each time? Absolutely not. We are all human, right? Sometimes there really is a headache, sometimes there really are stronger urges, later on there might be little blessings running around bringing about exhaustion and …..well…. chaos! The key here is that you communicate and come back together again. In a marriage your body belongs to one another, and you have to practice reciprocity in order for your sexual intimacy to “work”. You are giving yourself to one another, physically and emotionally during that time, think of it as solidifying your commitment to one another each time you experience that closeness. Now let’s get to the why.

Like breaks in a foundation of a house negative or harmful things can creep in through the cracks. Let’s pretend that your bond is like superglue, if you don’t bead the superglue evenly there will be gaps, if you don’t periodically refill gaps can become larger.

What are the possible negative things that can happen if there are gaps in your superglue (your bond)? Here is the obvious- emotional, physical, mental and sexual affairs. Lustful thoughts, fantasizing about possibilities with others, continuous distancing in communication and time spent, anger, resentment, disrespect and loss of love. Believe it or not that was just a short list. A husband and a wife are responsible for continuously nurturing their marriage and part of that nurturing is being sexually intimate with one another. They love each other, right? So they have to show love in their marriage, through their actions and words. They have to honor all aspects of their marriage including the bed they share.

Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Marriages have to be safeguarded. Do not allow the enemy to destroy what YOU have CHOSEN and what GOD has BLESSED. Our society today is filled with many temptations. Get ready for the battle, even in the best marriages there is a war on the horizon and your marriage is worth fighting for!

** Sidenote: In writing this post today, I can feel that we will be having a series about “Creepers” in the future because we need to be prepared for battle. I will make sure we visit topics in the future about pornography, erotica, improper relationships with others etc. If you have a “creeper” in or outside of your marriage please send me a message and I will add it to the list for future posts.

Be blessed today. Honor one another. Solidify the bond.

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